Sunday, May 6, 2012

★ Heather Graham : Sweet, Savage Eden

Heather Graham's Sweet Savage Eden is well written, but I couldn't finish it. I tried. Down to the last 150 pages...still, plot M.I.A. There were gaps in the entire book where Graham merely filled in the lack of substance with extra quarrels-- having absolutely no plot-line. None of the characters were holding card, things just happen, stuff is stuff.. History shouldn't be a crutch for a book. The healing cock & traitorous body trope made me wanna throw daggers at them.

Warning: Persons prone to self inflicted bodily harm, consisting of cutters, facial barbell piercers/ear taggers, knife lickers, Mumbletypeg extremists..this is the book for you. You'll need the constant release of endorphins to suffer this bit of Sweet Savage torture.

This book may have survived, if the heroine had actually went with her first self-confessed plan and avoided taking the ship to America...but Heather Graham swooped in, with her siphoning hose, sucking the life clean out of that promising plotline, and instead--faded completely to black, where the heroine arrived in one piece on the docks in America. We didn't even get to experience the trials of sea during the cross-over, for god's sake!!

I can see where she was heading with the colonial migration and Indian uprising... but it was too late for me. Anger/bitterness between the hero/heroine didn't hold me over, waiting for the big magic moment...because the heroine was undeserving, unappreciative and had an extremely spoiled disposition despite the fact she was poor as a church mouse. I honestly felt sorry for the hero, and every filthy name he called her was SO dead-on and deserved! I actually liked the hero, and wish he knew my number. If you're out there--I'll give you a story, darlin'! ;D As for the heroine(can't even feckin' remember that chit's name), if you're going to be a no girl, at least make it worth our while. I believe her lines can be summed up as, "NO", and "LET ME GO"...and for really intense and groundbreaking scenes, "LET GO -OF- ME!"

Half a star went to the fantastic writing and the other half of star went to the sound thrashing (with a riding crop, no less) the heroine's brother gave her. Well played sir, well played.

I'm sorry... heroine(don't know her name), go somewhere and die.

 Tidbits of commentary I made throughout the journey:


"At this point, I don't give a crap if the entire colonial bunch are ambushed by Indian braves and scalped; it couldn't lift this piece from its ruin. History itself, and a bratty, pregnant wife's insufferable and undeserving tantrums shouldn't be a basis for a plot-line. You shame the first settlers! SHAME ON YOU!!"  and,  "Gawd..the well-timed and overly dramatic exits are weighing on my patience; one good landmine would fix that girl's new-found pretentiousness. lol"

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